instant tourettes

instant tourettes , originally uploaded by Jen!!.

I swear, I'm well coordinated. I hardly ever run into doorways. I almost never trip. I can walk and chew gum at the same time for goodness sake!

Apparently shaving off part of my pinky over the summer wasn't enough. On Friday I cut off part of my thumb while chopping onions.

*sigh*

So, once again, let's count our blessings: the kids were with their dad, the roads weren't icy, the ER wasn't busy, I didn't cut to the bone, the knife was sharp, I just had my tetanus shot in 2005, the ER crew was AWESOME, my rockin' fiance held my hand (my other hand) through the whole thing, the bleeding finally got stopped, the pharmacist who doled out the vicodin put the cap on in the non-child-lock position, and so much more.

And when I asked for a glass of red wine at the ER the doc said that someone could run out to the liquor store. (I held out for the drugs instead. A wise choice, I think.)

Near the Gateway Arch

Near the Gateway Arch, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

On our recent trip to St. Louis we stopped for a moment, under the beautiful canopy of trees, in their full autumnal colors, to snap this picture.

Julia is being goofy, as she is wont to do, and I'm not sure why she's holding the stick like that or making the face she is, except that it might somehow be related to her being six.

Jasper is hiding behind the tree, pouting that we had to leave the Museum of Westward Expansion early due to his less than stellar behavior.

There you have it: one small, momentary glimpse into fractured family life in America.

Kickapoo

Kickapoo, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

I haven't posted in a while. Mark it up to sheer laziness. The camera hasn't been being picked up as much, I've been busy, *she* started it, there's gum in my hair and, oh, there's a really fun election coming up.

And in the midst of it all, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich has decided to take action against the state budget shortfalls by closing some state parks (he's also cutting over 150 jobs at DCFS, and it appears that my employer, a state school, will also be feeling the pinch). The state park closures are, from what I understand, temporary. Temporary or not, it saddens me. I spend a fair amount of time at Kickapoo, one of the parks slated for closing, and will miss stomping through the snow there this coming winter.

This picture was taken by one of my kids when we went there yesterday. Some of the trees were changing, some were already missing all their leaves, and most were still green. The kids love going there. It always amazes me that they can leave behind their electronics, their board games and their books and open their eyes to the beauty that surrounds them. The smells yesterday were wonderful. Wet earth, with fresh, crunchy leaves underfoot, makes for a great day.

oh dear

oh dear, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

Is this what they're (or is that they'r?) teaching in public schools these days? This is from my son's homework notebook and his third grade class uses it to jot down notes about what they're talking about each day.

School is back in session

I love this time of year. Not only do I like having more of a routine (I could do without the overcrowded schedule though), but I love seeing the kids really excited about something. Some days it's what they learned or what game they played with their friends, some days it's what they ate for lunch. My son, at 8 1/2 is almost too cool for himself. At least he was trying to be. Then the smiles broke through and he started playing around. The best part of the first day was seeing all the kids who haven't seen one another all summer running up to each other. Any disagreements from last school year have been erased. All they remember is that they're friends.

Hands

Hands, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

Julia loves to use her new skills that she learned in kindergarten. She's reading books like a champ and writing stories whenever she gets a chance. She finds inspiration in everyday things and also uses stories to express her emotions (like the one she wrote in the middle of a crying fit to explain to me why she was crying. It all goes back to her taking the eggs out of the refrigerator, but that's a whole 'nother story right there.).

I love this story: Your hands can touch. You can use your hands to make a silly face that you can't do by yourself.

remember when. . .

rainbow, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

a rainbow could change your whole outlook?

This one put a smile on my face earlier this week, but didn't lift the weight off my shoulders. On the plus side, I'm sorta getting used to the weight and starting to think that it's just part of life. The unbearable lightness of being. The weight of living each day as if it's my last is starting to feel like a burden, even though it's just habit now. I realize that most people don't live that way. I certainly didn't live that way for years and years. What I've found that it means to me: not passing by opportunities. That's not just big things. That includes the chances to slow things down and stop to smell the flowers. Except for the short and loud people, I don't really seem to know or be close with anyone else who lives that way.

Call me out. Tell me I'm wrong. Then let's go do something.

Sky time!

On the way to the drive in, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

I love living in an area that still has a drive in movie theatre. It's about a 40 minute drive from my house and when we (me, my love and his dog) went to see a movie on Saturday night I was distracted by the sky. My camera phone doesn't begin to capture how beautiful it was. So many storms have been moving through the area that sunny skies alone are enough to put a smile on my face, but man oh man *this* sky was extra special. The multitude of textures and colors . . . simply awesome.

Mount Hope Cemetery

cemetery, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

So I had to decide--blog another photo of my kids or another one of a cemetery. How do you like my choice? I snapped this shot with my camera phone while out for a walk in the middle of the day a week or two ago. It was a beautiful day and I wish the camera could have captured more of that.

My kids are probably too young at this point for me to have a conversation about what to do with me when I die (besides having swag bags at the funeral!), but I'm not convinced that I want to be buried somewhere. If that's what they want, they'll get their way. Does anyone out there feel passionately about what happens to their remains after they're gone?

statues at Allerton

statues, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

By golly, what have I been up to during the past month that I haven't gotten a picture up here? I've taken two trips, sans camera, so no proof except for my memories. I've also been to Allerton a couple of times, including this time with my kids. In the Lost Garden they went through about six different poses pretending to be statues on the bases that remain there. That gives me an idea! Anyone know an artist who makes gargoyles? I'd love to have my kids likenesses that way.

Sweetness

jasper being ever so gentle with his cousin michael, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

Jasper didn't get a chance to hold his baby cousin the first time we met him. At Julia's birthday party, he finally got his chance! He was so tender with him. When Michael started fussing, Jasper didn't quickly ask if someone could take him. (But when I offered to take him, Jasper quickly took me up on it.) Jasper is amazingly good with younger kids (besides his sister). He will do anything to get his other cousins to laugh--especially if it involves silly dances, falling down, or contorting his face.

I should say, just to be fair to him, that J is good with his little sister. But they are siblings after all.

Happy birthday, my darling six year old

Allerton, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

I'm feeling a little blue today (for various reasons, none of which need to be discussed here) so I went looking for pictures that make me happy. This one makes me happy. The little punk is getting into my camera bag and was caught red-handed. I love that grin.

She left me a message this morning and it brought tears to my eyes. It wasn't so much what she said (although that whole "best mom in the whole world" thing was kinda cool) but that she sounded so *old*. So not five anymore. I thought these things were supposed to be gradual. I thought a birthday was supposed to be pretty much like any other day. Clearly, I was wrong. Chalk this one up to "something new every day."

wink wink

wink wink
Originally uploaded by Jen!!

There's some controversy over at Flickr these days. Some folks don't like that short videos are now allowed. I'm not certain that I've yet formed a solid opinion about it, but overall I think it's kind of cool. It means that if I have a video of under 90 seconds that I want to share I'll be able to do it in the same place as where I share my pictures. Makes good sense to me.

Little Hope Cemetery

, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

The first time I saw the sign was while I was driving by and, in between laughing fits, was kind of hoping that I had read it wrong. The next time, I stopped to take a picture, and felt kind of crappy about it since there were people there visiting a loved one.

But I still find it amusing.

Go caving!

cave tour, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

I guess I have been in a cave before--the wide mouth kinds where you can walk in a little bit and poke around. The ones like the cave on Gilligan's island. The one with the HUGE spider. Remember? Anyhow, I'd never been fully underground in a cave until earlier this week when we (me & that wonderful man I'm dating & his new dog--she didn't get to go into the cave) went down to Kentucky to Mammoth Cave National Park. The picture is a small patch of green limestone from part of the tour (over 500 stairs included, no extra charge). I didn't use the flash on the camera and was pleasantly surprised to see that the green coloring actually came through in the picture. I enjoyed the area so much that I want to go back again sometime soon and take my kids.

Fu Dog Garden

Fu Dog Garden, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

I've been a little under the weather (okay, really sick for a few days, then just puny for a few days after that) and now I'm feeling better but haven't been out doing anything while my camera was in tow.

I've said before how much I love the outdoors and how much I love getting outside with the kids. So when I suggested to my kids that we head to Kickapoo, and they countered with "that place with the dog statues," how could I resist? So to Allerton we went two weeks ago. The day was gorgeous. We sloshed through the mud and snow and puddles and had a jolly good outdoorsy time.

I hope to have more posts soon with recent pictures OR maybe in honor of my recent Facebook re-acquaintance with friends from college, I'll dig up old pictures, scan them and post another memory or two here.

Cookie Monster

Cookie Monster, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

I commented to Julia how I liked that he was riding a skateboard, and she said, "MOM! That's not exactly right. See, he was walking down the hill when he tripped and landed on his tummy on the skateboard. Then he stood up on it and rode it the rest of the way down." Or something like that. To hear her tell it, it was quite dramatic. I hung on every word she was saying. She's an awesome story teller. I also love the googly eyes and that he has a thought bubble of a cookie, even though he's already in possession of a cookie.

another memory

When I lived in New Jersey, and worked in NY, the bus I took went over the Raritan river right before pulling off onto Exit 9 (shout out to all y'all who understand what that means). At one point, I was regularly catching a bus that, when running on time, would cross over the river in time for me to see the rowing teams. I'm guessing that they were from Rutgers, but I'm not sure. Anyhow, it was always a wonderful sight to see and I always tried to sit on the right-hand side of the bus so that I could watch them for the brief seconds before they were out of sight.

This warm memory was brought up for me recently when I watched a movie with rowing in it (a very small part of the movie, mind you) that a friend had loaned me. This picture isn't mine, I found it on the Rutgers website. The article is from 2004, so it could even be that this is one of the people I used to gaze at.

There was also an old abandoned riverboat on the other side of the bridge--I always enjoyed seeing that one on my ride in to the city, especially on foggy mornings.

Me, bar coded

When I created the bar code (here), it was created with actual numbers and stuff there. When I downloaded it, imagine my surprise when I found out that I'm a big zero.

Achoo

Julia woke up this morning feeling kinda out of it. Everything she said was in a pathetic, almost whiny, voice. "I didn't get much sleep at all last night because of all the noise." Noise? Huh? "I don't feel like eating my oatmeal." "I don't feel good." Her forehead didn't feel warm to me, but her cheeks were all red and she clearly wasn't feeling well. I took her brother to school, came home and took her temperature. Wowzers. One ear said 102.2, the other ear said she was over 103. Motrin took care of that in fairly quick order. Then she took a long nap after lunch. Now? Now she looks like this, curled up on the sofa watching the pinnacle of intellectual kid fare, Bratz Babies. Sigh.Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I'm a little worried that she won't be able to go to school to be with her friends tomorrow. I, of course, want her to feel better, but she loves these sorts of holidays. She's a very generous kid. We'll see.

Today is your lucky day

You know. If there's anything you wanted to ask me where I had to be totally honest when answering it. Oh wait. I'm (almost) always totally honest.

love this

Snow!

This morning I was out shoveling with my daughter when she turned to me and said, "mommy, when you were little like me, did you love snow like I do?" I said, "I did. I still love snow." "Then why are you shoveling it?" asked the sweet little one. Then the boy came out and grabbed his shovel and actually worked quite hard to clear some snow.When they're not busy frustrating me (and that's all about me, not them. of course.), these darling short and loud people make me gosh darn happy.

Wishing Well

wishing well, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

Some things don't make any sense to me. Like myself (for instance). I'm a fairly logical person, which is to say that I like things that I can wrap my mind around. Like quantum mechanics (for a ridiculous example). On the other hand, I believe, or maybe just want to believe in things that are significantly less tangible. Like tossing a coin into a wishing well, wishing on the first star, knocking on wood, and, yes, reading my horoscope. I wouldn't say that I put great stock into any of these things and it amuses me that I partake in them at all. Like I said, it doesn't make sense to me. So when my son (8 yrs.) asked me the other day if ghosts are real, I went with a Santa Claus-ish response: I've never seen a ghost, but I believe in them. Why do I believe in them?! I don't get it. Was there a ghost on Fantasy Island or the Love Boat? That would tie this whole thing together nicely if I could blame it on influences from my youth.

Memories

Watching Ruby Dee win a SAG award last night brought back a lot of great memories for me. While I was working for the Ensemble Studio Theatre in New York, I had the most wonderful opportunity and experience, made possible by a great director and a fellow Brooklyn College student, Woodie King, Jr. Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis, in celebration of their 50th wedding anniversary, decided to host a gala party to celebrate and raise money for theatres in NY that had supported them early in their careers and/or ones that were supporting the careers of African-Americans. Beyond the great bodies of work produced by both Ruby and Ossie (um, that's Ms. Dee and Mr. Davis to me), what's the thing that caught my attention? Them. Married for 50 years. Wow. The partnership that was there. The love. This wasn't a couple who ribbed each other and "jokingly" complained about marriage. I really want to write more about what it all felt like and what it means to be and why it's significant, but it seems like I've talked about it elsewhere, and it's certainly something that I can express better in person than here.

So here's me with Ruby, Ossie and some of the most fantastic people working in theatre in NY in the 1990's.

Lake of the Woods

family, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

The problem I have (the only one, for sure), is that no matter where I go to find a private space for myself, I always end up thinking that, whatever place it is, it would be so much better if someone were there to share it with me.

Today I toyed with the idea of taking the kids swimming or ice skating. Clearly I ditched both of these ideas and instead took them out to a nearby forest preserve that I occasionally "get away" to. Behind us is a small pond, where last week I could look through the frozen ice and see the koi swimming around. The kids didn't get to see that today since there was a dusting of snow over the ice. Instead, the kids made snow angels, drew pictures of hearts in the snow, threw snowballs onto the pond, and had an all around great time.

Maybe this lack of a place that I can escape to isn't so much of a problem. I guess I'll have to whisk together another problem. (Which reminds me, I need to start prepping dinner.)

It's not Friday

The problem with holidays, and three day weekends in general, is that I get really confused about what day it is.

Thank you

So while I deal with the fly in the ointment, I want to thank all my friends. Thanks for listening, for sharing, for. . .well. . .for being a friend. You are all wonderful. So, now, off to that ointment thingee. Or dead fly on the fake flowers thingee. Whatever.

The sun is shining!

Okay, so it's still really cold out, but the sun is shining, the sky is blue and life is good. And I haven't gotten a gosh darn thing done today except for enjoying the little things. Nothing has gotten crossed off the to do list. I haven't even glanced at the to do list. All of it will have to wait.

Baby, it's cold outside

brrr, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

and it's feeling a little cold inside too

"Then in a moment my head starts spinning
Around in a circle no end or beginning
And just when I think that the whole world's turning
I open my eyes and discover that life is just
Burning down but this man stands his ground
For when there's nothing left I'll fight for every breath"

Crossing lines?

While we were on vacation we ended up eating three times at Benjamin's, a small local place. (If you're ever in Rockville, Indiana, they're on 36, on the left about 1/2 a mile past the courthouse while heading east. The parking lot is wickedly muddy after a snow thaw or 5 inches of rain, so be smart (not like me) and don't wear your good black leather boots.) The last time we ate there I took nine pictures of Sean with my camera phone. I don't know what possessed me to do such a thing.

What occurs to me now, with time to reflect on it, is this: since I have no idea why I did it, what was he thinking? "c'mon, cut that shit out already. I weary of you, wench." or maybe "sheesh. what's your emotional age? three?" or perhaps "wow, I can't believe that this totally hot woman wants so many pictures of little old me." Tee hee. I'd like to believe that it's the last one. (aside: I am quietly laughing to myself. I can't believe that I actually just typed that. Me. Hot. Totally hot. Ha ha ha.) But I fear that it's one of the first two.

HA

So upon returning today from a few days of vacation in the covered bridge capital of the world, also known as Parke County, Indiana, what's the first thing I shoulda done? Take a nap, of course. Oh wait. That's not it. That's just the first thing that I actually did. I didn't need a nap. At least I don't think I needed a nap. But I'm on vacation, you see, so I did it anyway. Then I did uploaded all the pictures. I didn't share this one on flickr. I can't stand my hair in the picture (it was humid, not my usual shampoo, blah blah whine bitch moan), but I LOVE Sean's Superman pose. I can hear the theme music now, can't you?