December, where the days fly by

I'm not really sure where the whole month has gone, but sure enough it's the end of the month. The end of the year, in fact. This has been a great month. My son turned 8 and had a party at the roller skating rink and no one got hurt! Christmas was full of family time, great food and thoughtful, wonderful presents. I'm taking a week's vacation in January and really looking forward to it. Until then I can look at this picture of my Christmas tree from this year and think of what a great month, and what a great year, it's been.

It's a whirlwind

I have no clue how it can possibly be December already. One week into December. Where has the year gone? I feel a certain gloominess just thinking about it all. I don't know why it expresses itself that way. The year has been a good one. Maybe it's because I'm behind on so many things, and instead of celebrating all the triumphs of the year my mind is focusing (today at least) on the mile-long list of things that didn't get done. Tomorrow will be better. I know it.

The picture above was taken in my office, while spinning in my chair. It captures the outside world (gray and bright in anticipation of snow) and one of the plants on my windowsill. The picture alone lightens the load.

Thanksgiving visitor

I should probably post a picture of Sean toiling away in the kitchen making the stuffing, since that more accurately depicts the day (food and whatnot), but I'm still pretty impressed with this little guy.

Forward thinking, looking back

I took this picture (of my favorite flower, by the bye) with my first digital camera. I was at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden. I love so much about my years in Brooklyn and on the East Coast and carry with me so many great memories, large and small.

I've been back in the Midwest for two and a half years and I can't imagine any better place for me right now. There's a lot that goes into that statement, which I won't go into here. I bring it up only to say that as I think about my future, I smile. And as I discover more about my past and misperceptions and whatnot, I smile.

It is, as it used to be said, all good.

When October Goes. . .

I love autumn. I think I'm repeating myself by saying that, but it's true. It's a wonderful time of year. Pumpkin pie. The crunching of leaves as you stroll along. Fires. Getting all toasty warm one way or another.I wish I had had a real camera with me this morning instead of my camera phone, but I still like the feeling that was captured, even if it's not artistically up to snuff. The brick road, the yellow leaves carpeting the ground. It's a powerful swelling of emotions and I feel spectacularly incapable of expressing said feelings with mere words. Pictures only begin to shed light on it. How to grasp all five senses and express the joy, the melancholy, and all the other myriad aspects of what it means to be touched so deeply by something that I have no control over. There's a psychological study in here somewhere, but I really don't want to take this beautiful feeling and undermine it with comparisons to the other areas of my life where my emotions are so well guarded that even I don't get to experience them. Yarg! This just isn't right.

geeky

For those people who really know me this won't come as a shock: I'm a geek. Or a nerd. Or whatever word you want to use along those lines. Not the cool, hip kind of nerdiness that some people have going for them. Just your run-of-the-mill kind. I can easily laugh at myself about this, and I frequently find great joy in it.

Related in a geeky/nerdy/Jen-like kind of way: in cleaning up files on my computer I came across this shot, which shows many pictures, taken by others, that I've "favorited" on Flickr.What can we learn about me here? Clearly, I am amused by funny/cute/silly animals. I'm way into nature. What you can't so easily see are the ones that really give insight into me: the ones I favorited not so much for the picture, but for the captions added to them by the photographers. One of the shots is of a cat's face in a hole in the side of a barn. The caption is "let meow-t". Ha ha ha. Ahem. Well, anyhow, I found it funny.

October is wonderful

pumpkin painting, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

Pumpkinpalooza, year two. Once again, we went with Sheila and her boys and had a blast. The kids got to paint pumpkins, have their faces painted, bowl with a pumpkin, and other various activities. We were there for hours but it seemed to me that it all blew by in a matter of minutes. That's been happening to me a lot recently. Time slips by. Life is good, and whizzing by too fast.

fall, reflected

fall, reflected, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

I took this yesterday, on my birthday, while at Meadowbrook park on a walk with the kids. If I had been a little bit faster, I might have caught a deer in the reflection as well.

I love autumn. I love the smell of the earth, watching the trees change, and I especially love the weather. Cooler days and chilly nights. Mmmmmmm. Autumn feels like home.

Free Burma

Free Burma

my two little monsters

my two little monsters, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

It was such a rainy dreary day earlier this month. I was inspired to clean the garage. The kids, being wiser and funner than I, grabbed their monster umbrellas and headed out into the downpour.

I should have joined them. Stupid responsibility. I shirk so much of it already. I should have shirked more of it that day. The kids were soaked. They were laughing, smiling and having a grand old time. They were singing songs and sitting (yes, sitting!) in puddles. I really should have been there with them.

grapes: ready for harvesting!

grapes: ready for harvesting!, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

Fun stuff! Today I went to help my colleague, Larry, harvest the grapes in his backyard. He has people over once a year to help and I'm so glad that I scored an invitation. (That's another, only slightly boring, story.) The weather was beautiful--sunny and in the 80s. The wind was blowing just the perfect amount. Larry's wife, Annette, made delicious food (a feast, really) for all of us. And, of course, I was able to sample some wine from past years. Ellen was part of the crew and it's always fun seeing her, as were some other people I recognize, but don't really know, from around the workplace.

Vacation out West

Devils Tower, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

This shot was taken on the trail around Devils Tower in Wyoming. We got three shots--one with Julia in the middle, one with Jasper in the middle and one with me in the middle. They all turned out really well and it was hard choosing which one to post.

The vacation was grand. The kids were fantastic (except at bedtime--then it turned into a fight over who had what space and who was invading someone else's space and who was hogging all the covers). We saw lots of animals and, thankfully, no rattlesnakes.

We saw Mount Rushmore, Crazy Horse and the Badlands. We didn't miss out on Wall Drug and we enjoyed their free water.

The kids got to use my old camera and the video camera. They asked tons of great questions and even the long car rides were a pleasure. We had great conversations about God, Native Americans (and what little I could tell them about their NA heritage), life, people, and good vs. bad.

We splashed in the pool and relaxed in the hot tub. We gave thanks for all the beauty that surrounded us.

I simply don't have the right words to express how much the whole vacation touched me.

enigmas

jules, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

There are many enigmas in my life right now. This little girl right here, as shown in this picture at least, is a wonderful mystery to me. I will probably never understand all the dimensions that make her who she is. (Aside: I would like to have some basic understanding of myself. Maybe then I'll have further insight into these perplexing people/things in my life.)

Alas, back to the girl. The lip gloss--she was helping me clean out my dresser drawer and helped herself to a generous application of it. The wings--"look at me mommy! I'm a fairy!" The blue suitcase--a gift from my dad and a favorite toy of mine as a kid. The dinosaur--a garage sale treasure from several years ago. The box she's putting the dinosaur into--a homemade teenage mutant ninja turtle box made by Holly and Jasper way back in our NJ days.

at the end of a long day. . .

at the end of a long day, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

You know that song "The Woman With You"? "Been juggling, struggling, closing big deals. Dancing backwards in high heels. And just when it feels like I can't make it through. . .It sure is nice to just be the woman with you."

The scarecrow gets moved around and this evening I found him on the bench, with his shoulder ready and waiting for me.

It sure is nice. . .

Religion with an attitude

Religion with an attitude, originally uploaded by Jen!!.

When I saw this bumper sticker, I got to thinking about the type of person who would put it on their car. I'm guessing that it's someone who is spiritually deep. Maybe his friends are not as much so. Maybe he respects their beliefs but was looking for a way to say that his beliefs were just as valid, and maybe, just maybe, he wanted an in-your-face way of saying it. I love it: "I pray. Get used to it." Doesn't leave room for discussion, and isn't that the way it should be? I respect your beliefs. Respect mine.

Quiet time (subtitled: reflection and thankfulness)

There's an enclosed garden next to the Japan House that I've never wandered through before, in fact, didn't even know it existed until I happened up it's exit gate then worked my way around the outside to find the entrance gate. Said gate: I like the slate welcome mat, the open gates, the foliage. I like it all.

I slowly wandered through, thinking about all the great things in my life. I only snapped a few pictures while I was in there (including several where I was using the timer and trying to grab a pic of myself. Yeah. That didn't go so good, but the outtakes make me laugh.). Not that there wasn't gorgeous scenery to be captured, I was just letting it all wash over me. Every morning I make time to enumerate and give thanks for blessings, large and small, in my life. I do it at other times throughout the day sometimes too, but I think I'd like to incorporate it into my evenings on a more regular basis, just like the morning ritual. It was nice walking through this garden space and letting my mind wander wherever it needed to go. Ultimately, no matter what else might be bothering me, it always seems to end up coming up with the good things in my life. And for that, I am thankful.

Outdoors

It's no secret that I like to spend time outside. When I'm feeling good, when I'm feeling blue, when I'm just "just". Besides being bitten by buggies, what's not to love about the outdoors? I can hike, walk, sit, read, whatever, and simply reflect on all of the things in my life. I've been spreading myself too thin of late. I've been paying a high price for it too. The bright side of it all is that I've forged stronger relationships with some of my friends. The sad side is watching some friendships fade. One of them I'm already missing bunches and one of them isn't bothering me much at all. Strange that. Ultimately, I have no power over these things. It's been a hard lesson, and I typically have a hard time letting go, but I also know that even if I ran after someone, like in those movies that always have happy endings, that it wouldn't turn out that way. So I let people I care for walk away. Isn't that the right thing to do?

Here was one of weekend moments of peace, cut way too short by the buggies.

From Flickr (and a little more)

Direct from Flickr, photo called "I lied":
Text that goes with it: The optimistic me is the real me. Last night, when I said that things suck I was focused on trees, not the forest. Caught this shot today. My daughter left her sparkly glitter shoes in the living room, where the sun struck them and spread the light everywhere. This is me. I believe in possibilities. I am probably stupidly optimistic, but, honestly, I don't care to change that about myself. Deal with it. :)

The rest of the story: I guess there's not really much more, except to say what I've said elsewhere on the interweb: I have the best friends in the world. You sustain me in broad strokes and small gifts. In big bear hugs and little smiles. In kind words and good advice.

Thank you. I hope that I can somehow repay the favor.

a picture worth a thousand words

And I really don't know what to say.

Road trips

Haven't had one of these shots in a while:We were on our way back from the Sugar Creek Arts Festival in Normal. I love this festival. They actually have artists who display oil paintings. Not just one or two, but booth after booth of paintings! I like the other stuff too, but when I'm looking for stuff to put on my walls, I want oil on canvas.

This picture was taken on Route 150. That's right, we took the old road home. I was planning on taking the highway, but it was blocked by police, so I turned around and headed for the two-laner. Found out this morning that the road was blocked because of a tanker truck that had rolled and caught on fire. My sympathy is with the family of the driver, who didn't make it out of the truck. Then I look at my two little angel/hellions, as pictured above, and I want to hold them even closer.

outdoors

Jasper asked me last week why I go hiking without him and Julia so much. Good question. Julia didn't used to like hiking (three steps into the woods and she would ask how long until we got to the car). She did great last time I took them to Kickapoo in Illinois, so this past Saturday we went to Turkey Run State Park in Indiana. It was wonderful. We hiked for somewhere between 2 1/2 - 3 hours. The kids did great. I was none too smart in that each of us had shorts on instead of long pants. We were fortunate, though. No rashes from the poison ivy or poison oak for any one of us.

I need to do this more often with the kids.

The promise of more

This blossom will unfold and reveal its beauty over the next 24 hours. There are a couple of things in my life right now that are like this blossom, but these things will take much longer to open up and reveal their beauty. I am patient and can wait. Some people come in to your life and stay forever. Others barely scratch the surface and then move on. Cheers to all that's in my life and to the promise of more to come.

Danger in my backyard

On Sunday morning I was out watering the backyard garden when a bird flew out of the bushes and was trying to attack my head. I had no clue what was going on, so I squirted him with the hose. I lost track of the baby robin and Jasper came out to help me (if help means playing with his light sabers near me while I water). Then I noticed the robin sitting on the hammock. Pooping on the hammock. And tweeting a whole lot. He stalked me onto the patio, nipping a little too close to my toes for my comfort. Jasper smartly distracted him and got him to come after him. What a great kid. My hero. Okay, maybe he didn't mean to get the robin to come after him, but he did. And he kept the freak bird busy long enough for me to sneak inside to grab my camera. That night I was out front watering my dying plants when a neighbor stopped by to tell me not to be worried, but that there's a robin that some neighbors had been raising since it had fallen out of its nest when it was a baby. She and her family had been feeding it worms and she had seen it eating bugs, so it's doing well. But the warning was so that I wouldn't try to take it to a vet or call animal control to say that there's a wacked bird in the neighborhood. With any luck the bird will stay in the neighborhood--but not attack people when they are least expecting it. :)

Blizzard

A colleague at work heard me mention getting a pet and told me that she was going to be putting her cat up for adoption. The cat and I met, he was sweet as the dickens, and now he's here with me. My daughter, who has known him for all of about 16 hours, told me this morning that she's not trying to be rude, but she loves him more than she loves me. Because he's so cute. An action shot:

cooking is fun!

I'm really not certain why I chose to make chili on a hot day--I think maybe I just wanted to have a beer, and since half the bottle goes into the chili, what better excuse?! I used the summer Blue Moon--which has honey and orange peel brewed in (or something like that). It was good--to drink and to cook with. I added chick peas into the chili. Why not regular beans? Dunno. They're all good for you. The chick peas turned out well and the chili was super yummy. I haven't been cooking from scratch much recently and it felt really good last night to do it.

New York

I can't say that it felt like going home. Illinois is home. It did, however, feel extraordinarily comfortable. It felt like going to a second home, I guess. I didn't really have enough time to do all of the things I wanted--Chinatown, the Village, etc., but I did make it to Central Park. I relaxed in the shade and watched the world go by--one of most very favorite NY pastimes.

Our for a walk

I was out, walking and chatting, and watching the sidewalk and saw two round spots (old gum?) and a twig and it looked like a little face half-grinning at me. I was going to keep walking then asked if I could stop and go back a few steps to take a quick picture. Here 'tis:I am easily amused.

It's really not all about me

But sometimes I like the pix I get, and sometimes the reasons why I like them are not the ones that you might think. Like this picture, for instance:It's not just me (although, I do actually like the way I look in this shot), I like that you can see just how bare the office is. Three of us share an office. I am the local office freak. The one with all the colorful shit up all over her tiny work spot. In this picture, you can see one of favorite pieces of art: the Yoda that Jasper colored for me. And, contrary to what he might have seen in the movies, Yoda DOES NOT die. Yoda ROCKS THE FORCE! Anyhow, back to the whole office freak thing. I actually took down several pieces of colorful artwork as I felt like I was monopolizing all the use of color in an otherwise drab area. (But we do have windows now, which has made such a difference. Did you know that the sun shines, at least a little even if it just a glare, every single day? I didn't know that!) Now I keep most of my cool stuff in spots where you have to be in my space to be able to see it.

Not Girlfriend Material

The tank top isn't meant so much to pass judgment on myself (although I do feel, um, how can I express it? "un-dateable" recently. Not that I'm not worthy, just that I'm not getting that vibe from anyone. But I have always been really slow to pick up on that vibe, so who knows.), it's more my own state of mind. I'm not ready to be girlfriend material to anyone. Or, again, maybe I just haven't met that special someone yet. Or, what if I have met him and I don't know it yet? I can't say this strongly enough--I have always been slow in picking up on these things, or maybe just really slow in believing that someone might really like me. Me?! Little ole me?

Sunshine

He had early dismissal in the middle of last week, so we got to play a little bit. He's my sunshine (or is that sonshine?). Whatever. He's wonderful. It's hard to believe that he's 7 years old. No one tells you when you have kids that it's a balance of letting go and guiding toward goodness at the same time. He wins. He's awesome. It's not easy, this parenthood thing. And if you get a child that has special needs or a disability or anything out of the ordinary, it's an extra challenge. And I'm thankful for it. He's a joy and a great child and I'm proud to say that I'm his mom. How do some moms make it look so easy? For me it's so much work. Not in a bad way. Or are other people struggling silently and I just don't know?

howling

I woke up in the middle of the night a few nights ago and saw a light shining into my bathroom. Lo and behold, it was this. . .So, of course, I had to grab the camera to get a few shots of it. The title of this entry is howling, which is kind of what I feel like doing right now. Howl at this moon.

silliness (me, silly? why, I never!)

Earlier this week at baseball practice, I was playing on nearby playground equipment with Julia. For fun, I decided to do a cartwheel. Then I did another. And another. And my arms didn't break!!!! I don't know how pretty they looked, and judging from this picture (taken today), I'd guess not so pretty. I was out for a walk by myself and a moment of lunacy overtook me and I decided to make my 365/daily picture of myself one of me doing a cartwheel. I'm on my way back down at this point, and had hoped that the timer would go off when I was completely upside down. I laugh when I look at this: my hair, my face, my arms, my shirt, my legs. It all makes me laugh. It all makes me happy. I can't believe that I can still do cartwheels!!!!!

Allerton Park

If Allerton Park was still a private residence, I think it would be in my top 5 dream houses. The house is huge (which makes no difference to me) it's the woodwork inside, the windows looking outside and the acres and acres of land that turn me on. Ideally, I'd like a house so far removed from everything that I could leave the curtains open all the time and not have a thing to worry about. I could watch the world go by. I could keep up a net to play badminton, have a swimming pool, have room to play, . . . I'm really dreaming here. First of all, it would have to be one heck of a lottery that I would win to make the dream come true. And if I did win the lottery, I'm not certain that I'd spend the money on such a thing anyway.

There's a Fu Dog garden at the park that I visited today with my kids and my friend Beth. All the dogs are different, or at least to my eye they are. I'm not certain why, but I think this one is saying "Yeke!"

crop

I was catching up with my 365 set on flickr (and by playing "catch-up" I think I defeat the whole picture a day concept) and liked the looks of my clavical (isn't that what this area is called?). Anyhow, I cropped it down to show just the one part. I got some sun today since I went for two walks in the glorious sun. One was just a typical mid-day walk to get me a few minutes out of the office, the other one was a meeting that we decided to take outside and we were able to walk around while we chatted about a project. Nice!

My Work Face

Ever wonder how your co-workers see you? I decided to find out. It is, of course, very literal and gives no insight whatsoever into what they think of me.

Spring sprung, then went away

With the sudden burst of warmth over a week ago, and the below freezing temps since then, my poor tulips are sad. They blossomed so quickly. One day they were barely breaking through the ground, then they were blooming. Then they were frozen.

Tulips are my favorite flower. They are simply beautiful. I love other flowers as well, don't get me wrong. Someday, I'd like to fall in love with a flower with a longer life-span than the tulip. If this were my private blog, I might write something at this point about how that sentiment could be applied to my life in general. And then I'd point out, to myself, about how far I've come. Thankfully, this isn't my private blog.

Long time no post

I have been accused, on more than one occasion, of taking life too seriously. I have also been accused of not taking things as seriously as I should. Sometimes I feel like all I say to my kids is "no" or "don't" and I worry about that. Then I realize that I also say "yes" quite a bit and that we tend to have a lot of fun together. This shot is from a week or so ago. We were all getting ready to go to school/work. I opened the blinds at the front of the house, letting in a flood of intense spring sunlight that shone on the shades across the room. The shadows were so well defined that I had to grab my camera. Jasper jumped in to be part of the shadow play. Is that taking things seriously, or not seriously enough? No one was late. We had a little fun.

Sometimes

Look at them, they look great. They smile, they play, they have fun, they are kind, thoughtful and confident. Here they are, on the playground, off to battle all the bad guys of the world. At least until someone scrapes their knees.

Relaxation

I've taken this whole week off work, and it's been wonderful and has flown by too fast. I wish that I had something really exciting and wonderful to report here, but it's been really low-key. Yesterday I treated myself to what my hairdresser, Amy, was calling a day of beauty. It was supposed to start with a hair cut (and color, shhhh, don't tell anyone), but Amy needed to clear up a little problem with her driver's license, so the cut was pushed back. I had a 75 minute massage. It was amazing. Awesome. Wonderful. Worth every minute and every penny. When I look at this picture, I can feel how relaxed my whole body was. Aaaahhhh. Then came the hair stuff. Then the workout. Then the great dinner. Then the three hours of playing pool, getting progressively worse as the night went on. :)

loving it

It's spring break, and I'm taking some days off. I had hoped to get out of town for a night or two, but that's not going to happen. Yesterday I went hiking at Turkey Run State Park. I happened to mention to Nav that I'd be going hiking and he invited himself along (a good thing, not an intrusive thing, just don't know how else to phrase it). I love hiking with him, because he looks up, down, left, right, all around and so we see more and enjoy more. Mar was busy studying and couldn't join us, but hopefully can come along next time. This is a view straight up, and it kind of captures a lot about the day. It was cloudy, then sunny. The trees grow on top of the rock formations and have really cool root structures that wrap around the rocks. Too bad this picture doesn't show more of the rocks. It was a great day: the kind that makes you say out loud what a wonderful thing life is and how great it is to be alive.

ART!

Julia painted this at daycare on a brown paper bag, and as much as I love it, I'm not going to keep it. So, as they say, "take a picture, it lasts longer." : ) Most of her artwork these days is like this: broad swaths of color, swirled and surrounded by other colors.

spring weather

Only three episodes of Dead Like Me left to watch, and I had to return the dvds to the library--the system wouldn't let me renew online. Stopped by today and checked them out again. But instead of sitting down and watching all three episodes, I looked outside at the big sun and the wonderful temp and decided to get out for a walk instead. So I headed to Meadowbrook park, which is a good place to walk (they have sidewalks) when all the green areas of town are mush from all the melting snow. Anywhos, it was wonderful. And on the way home, the sun was huge. My cameraphone couldn't quite capture the enormity of the beast, but I still think it looks cool. And it's hard to take a picture with a cameraphone while driving.

It's a fun house!

In honor of the new, improved starting time for daylight savings, I turned all my clocks ahead before the kids went to bed just to help confuse them. (or maybe just to help confuse me? I dunno.) Anyhow, for the first time, I noticed that I can see my reflection in the chrome clock in the kitchen. Duh. But fun. Fun like in a fun house. I'm feeling rather giddy from the good weather we've had over the past two days. I love and hate that my mood can be so easily effected by my environment. And heaven help me if I spend too much time around people who drag me down. I'm powerless against it. Of course, that's why I try to spend more time with the great folks around me and tend to ditch those who are always talking about the things that they hate and the people who should just die. Seriously. I know people who talk like that.

365

On Flickr, I was inspired (that might be too strong of a word) by other people's 365 sets, so I started one. All the pix are private so far, and some will stay that way forever most likely. Julia took this shot earlier tonight while we were at Tae Kwon Do. She was using my phone to take shots of her toys, of me, of the table, etc. I can't believe how skinny my wrist looks. On the bright side--I was reading Cooking Light and found several new recipes I want to try. Yum! I love food.

Ever have one of those days?

The kind where, when you walk into a room, the people there start talking in code? Or they think they're talking in code, but either they're not as smart as they think they are, or you're not as dumb as they think you are, so you know that they're talking about something related to you? And this comes on the heels of other similar things and political doings of other coworkers? And, if you're like me, you start to wonder if it's all worth it. Most of the time I don't care that the 50-60 hours a week that I work go unnoticed. That others around me are praised just for showing up and staying awake (only a slight exaggeration there). But today, I'm just about ready to give up. And in a neato twist of events, I needed to test my tape deck (so I can take it in to work for one of the profs to use for a class), and the tape I grabbed was Circle by Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians. "I quit. I give up. Nothings good enough for anybody else, it seems. And I quit. I give up. Nothings good enough for anybody else, it seems. and. and being alone is the best way to be. when I'm by myself it's the best way to be. when I'm all alone it's the best way to be. when I'm by myself nobody else can say goodbye." Yes. It was one of those days. Today, I've lost all perspective. And that's one of the few qualities of mine that I appreciate.I'm out of focus, and I'm pulling on my hair. I repeat: it. was. one. of. those. days.

p.s. Does it sound like I work in a junior high school? It sure feels that way sometimes.

Old clothes

Some things, I just can't throw away. And while I have held on to a few pieces of clothing that I've had since high school, this sweatshirt, purchased my freshman year of college, is one of my favorite "oldies". Mr. Bubble makes me happy. If you can't read it, it says "Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty." Almost.

Memory Lane

I don't have any pets at the moment. I'd like to, but I guess I'm not ready for any sort of commitment right now.
Here's Michael:
The picture is from my place in Brooklyn, looking out over the back yard and the neighbors' houses. Michael was a hoot. He was part dog and would come running when you called his name. He'd get over half way to you, then detour at the last moment, right when he remembered he was a cat.

Here's Gracie:
Gracie is still alive, but living with the ex. She's the sweetest little pit bull mutt that you'd ever want to meet. She used to sit in my lap (on the floor, she wasn't allowed on the sofa). Not too smart, but such a kind dog. After the September 11th attacks I didn't make it home until late morning on the 12th. Gracie had been stuck in the house for well over 24 hours. When I let her out into the back yard so that she could go pee, she wouldn't leave my side. I miss her.

A case of the crazies

When life starts crashing in around me, I tend to slink away. When I don't get away, and create time for myself, then I really start to feel like I'm going crazy. Well, I've felt on the brink, as it were, for a couple of weeks now, and have been trying to ignore it in hopes that the feeling would go away. Funny how that never seems to work. I guess that part of the problem is that I don't want to burden those around me with all the crapola swirling around in my head, so it just stays in there. And I am struggling with a lot right now. And most of it is hard to put into words. And I know that given a little more time, I will wrestle it to the ground and win over the crazies. In the meantime, today I got one step closer to winning the battle.

I made it out to Kickapoo State Park to go hiking. I suppose that I'm not the brightest bulb on the string because, while I knew that there would be tons of beautiful snow, I didn't really consider that the 14" of snow (plus drifting) that we got here, would also be the case at the park. (duh.) The smart people wore cross country skis. I was the only human foot tracks in the forest. On the plus side, that means that I had plenty of time to myself. The air was cold and brisk, the sun was shining, and there was glorious silence. There was also laughter from the sledders, snippets of conversations from the cross country skiers, birds calling out from overhead, and the sweet sound of my hiking boots sinking down so far into the snow that I was covered in the white stuff up to my knees. So now I'm thinking that next time I go out on a day like this, I might tie tennis rackets to my boots. Or rent snow shoes. Whatever.

snow, Snow SNow SNOW

It just keeps piling up! The wind is awesome. The kids are home for a snow day, thank goodness. Even if I had been able to get them to school, I never would have been able to make it back to pick them up. I just heard that we've had only about 12 inches, with another 1-3 expected before the wind dies down, but it's the drifting that's causing me the greatest headache. Backache, actually. Given that I normally enjoy shoveling, this might be the only time I'll ever wish that I had kept the snow blower in the divorce.